CAN YOU EVER PRESSURE A WOMAN
INTO LOVING YOU?
Don’t Lie Men Don’t Listen
Success Coach Doc Love
wanted to tell you that you have yet another woman in
your corner. Your advice is great. At first I was put
off by the somewhat negative tone. It seemed rather
combative, but now I can appreciate your directness
and humor. I have referred several of my guy friends
to your articles. A few have even purchased The
am writing to you because I wanted to say that the problem
of “needy men” needs more discussion. I don’t
think that guys are getting the picture. No man wants
to admit he is needy, especially if he has a very macho
profession, so he dismisses the problem as not being
relevant to him.
just broke off a year-long relationship with a highly
decorated former Navy SEAL because he was simply too
needy and insecure. We met via a matchmaking service
on the Internet. We spent several months talking on
the phone and e-mailing before we met in person. (We
live very far away from each other.)
ignored a few obvious “red flags” in the beginning.
He told me that he loved me and thought we were soul
mates before we ever met in person. We talked on the
phone every day for hours upon hours. At first I found
this to be really romantic. I loved it. My friends warned
me that this was largely fantasy, but I really wanted
to believe that I had finally found “the one.”
weeks later, when we finally met in person, it was very
difficult for me to fuse the “fantasy phone man”
with the real person in front of me. He expected a grand
romance, an instant physical connection. I was just
getting used to the reality that there was this stranger
in front of me that I knew only by phone.
was only somewhat attracted to him physically, but I
liked him so much over the phone that I hoped he would
grow on me. He immediately sensed that I was pulling
back. Rather than let me process this new dynamic, he
hounded me for daily affirmations of my love for him.
He would pout if I did not sound totally enthusiastic
to hear from him after his 5th telephone call in one
day. I told him that I felt that we were going too fast
and that I needed time for my feelings to catch up.
didn’t understand that I could love him as a person
(based upon our hundreds of phone hours), but not feel
“in love” yet. I tried to help him understand.
I sent him links to your articles…to get some clues
about the negative effects of saying “I love you”
too much and being too needy. That backfired big time.
He just got offended and more hurt.
visited each other every other month. Each time I tried
my best to fall in love with him…but something was
missing. He would talk excitedly about marriage and
children with me and I would try to share that vision,
but I just didn’t feel it. Finally I could not take
it any more and broke up with him.
told me that I ruined his life and that I am a horrible
person for having led him on. He then continued to call
me every day, begging to get back together. He sent
pleading e-mails to my family. He sent gifts. He then
said that if he couldn’t be my boyfriend that he wanted
to still be my best friend and talk to me every day.
then accused me of not wanting a “nice guy”
and that I must really want a jerk. That is so untrue.
I gave him the benefit of the doubt so many times because
I liked the fact that he was nice. But his “niceness”
turned into desperation. Ugh. I finally had to block
him. I feel like I hung in there much longer than most
women would. I really gave him my best shot. What else
could I have done?
who would love to hear your thoughts, Doc
letter. Thank you.
brought to light something very important. A guy can
be as tough as a tank on the outside and still be a
lost little whimpering boy on the inside. Think of the
strength, the discipline, the stamina and the endurance
required of a man to become a Navy Seal. Its extraordinary.
I mean you have to be one tough, almost superhuman mofo
to make it. Only a very, very small percentage of men
have what it takes. Most of us guys wouldnt get
past the first orientation meeting. More than half of
those who even get to try to become a Seal, scrub out
before they make the grade.
heres a guy with all that strength and all those
survival and combat skills and hes completely
lost and useless when it comes to courtship. Hes
a winner on the battlefield but a total loser in love.
But just as he was able to become an extremely competent,
highly skilled soldier by undergoing proper training,
so too can he become equally successful in love.
is one place where men can come for the intensive training
in deportment and courtship skills necessary to gain
mastery in love relationships. That place is known as
Doc Loves Boot Camp for seekers of truth
leave your ego at the door.
you, Lucinda, for your kind and courageous gesture of
trying to acquaint this guy with The System.
Unfortunately, it seems, at least for now, that hes
not ready to change. Hes un-coachable. He had
the ball in his hand but he fumbled it, on purpose!
My bible totin Uncle Jethro Love would say, Lucinda,
that you were Casting your pearls before swine.
But lets not be too harsh on him. He may redeem
himself someday. Never say never.
I must point out that this dude was really blowing it
with you from the get-go. Before he had even met you
in person he was telling you he loved you and was declaring
you to be his soul mate. Geesh! He was in such a rush
to seal the deal Im surprised he didnt propose
marriage over the phone as well. Why wait? And of course,
as all serious students of The System can
see, he was spending way, way, way too much time on
the phone talking with you. He was about as much of
a Challenge as a tennis match with a four-year-old.
you could have avoided this disaster if you had listened
to your own inner womanly wisdom that was speaking to
you. Be honest with yourself. When Mr. War Hero raised
those red flags that you mentioned, you knew right then
and there, in your heart of hearts that this puppy wasnt
going to fly. You were in love with the idea of being
in love but not with the man himself. You should have
cut him loose while your relationship with him was merely
telephonic. Instead you drew it out; and things, as
you might have expected if you were being objective,
could end the analysis of this fiasco right here, but
for the sake of decency, I have to berate this guy about
one other thing. He deserves it.
hes so cloying and obnoxious that he leaves you
no alternative but to break up with him. Then he accuses
you of ruining his life and hounds you with phone calls
begging you to get back together with him?! He even
sends pleading e-mails to your family! Classless moron!
Hes truly a lost soul. You can bet, as sure as
Jimmy Dean loves pork sausage, that this loser will
be repeating the same mistakes with his next love interest.
Lets all pray for him. (Im serious.)
time around, Lucinda, be true to your inner wisdom and
weed out the needy boys before you get involved with
another one of them.
guys: neediness is unmanly.
send me your love questions or to find out more about
The System, visit me at http://www.doclove.com
or call (800) 404-2644.
Love is a talk show host and entertainment speaker who
coaches men in his seminars. For the past 30 years he
has asked thousands of women, Why do you stay
with one man versus another?
Copyright DocLove Dot Com